When first meeting a date it is easy to start playing the assumptions game. For example, you might find yourself assuming that she or he is a “probably another  ______________,”  you fill in the blank;“just like everyone else that didn’t work out.” It’s just as easy to question your own behavior and attempt to track how well you are meeting the requirements of a PERFECT DATE. Unfortunately, once you begin to compare yourself to others and what you should or shouldn’t say, or start off by making assumptions about your date, things can turn sour quickly.  For the both of you.

How can I help prevent this from happening?

One way, and certainly not the only way, is to try your best to live in the moment. Pay attention to what your date is actually saying and the emotions that the words convey, rather than getting hung up on that not so funny joke or comment you or they might have said minutes before. Also, be sure to take a moment to enjoy the food, music and having the opportunity to meet someone new. Every person has a unique story, a perspective and a lot of different experiences.  Truly listening and trying to understand their story adds to the fun and spontaneity of dating.

Finally, not every date you have is going to turn into a long term relationship. Don’t force it.  Take it easy and be positive .  You never know, you may learn something new, even if you decide to just be friends.

Blog entry by Dr. J. Saintclaire